Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Nail Polish Fiasco (circa 2006)

I found several old blogs containing funny stories about the kids on my old hard drive and have decided to post a series of them on here. I am starting with a story from summer 2006 when Katelyn was 3 and Hunter was 2... complete with pictures. Enjoy!

The Nail Polish Fiasco

I work nights. Working nights doesn’t mix well with having two toddlers at home… so if you’ve been thinking about it and you have kids at home, just say no. Patrick left for work this morning and the kids were still asleep so he left us alone. Since I didn’t get to sleep until 7:30am, I guess I must have went into a semi-coma because I didn’t hear the kids get out of bed.

Something finally stirred me awake around 10am, it must have been the sense of impending doom that was hanging there in the complete silence of my bedroom. The kids were in the bathroom whispering. Whispering isn’t ever a good thing in my house. So I crept out of bed and stood outside the door listening.

“Hunter, give me more toilet paper, momma’s going to be mad!”


I pushed open the door and what do I see? Rainbows. A rainbow on my bathtub, a rainbow on my floor and a rainbow on my toilet. Oh, and the rug and the sink. What made these beautiful rainbows, you ask? Nail polish. Bottles and bottles of nail polish. I immediately regret the fact that I took Katelyn to the store for ten colors of it a couple days ago. She’s only three, what was I thinking?

So what do I do? I cry a little. Yes, that’s the only reaction I could muster because after 3 years of motherhood I am completely convinced my children truly hate me. I called my husband and told him he had to come home. He had no choice in the situation, but he had to come home right now before I completely lose my mind. He tells me to come pick him up so I pick both kids up and, for the first time, I actually get to take a good look at them since I am no longer focused on the mess in the bathroom…
Katelyn clearly also got into my makeup. She has painted on Groucho Marx style eyebrows with my mascara and has pink lipstick all over any area within 3 inches of her lips. Her body, as well as her little brother’s, is completely covered in every shade of nail polish I own. Hunter is crying. It may be because he has eyeshadow all over his face or maybe the nail polish that got inside his diaper is a bit uncomfortable, I don’t know.
My bathroom is clean now. I cleaned out Walgreen’s entire stock of nail polish remover and ruined six toothbrushes, but it’s clean. Social services will probably be knocking on my door soon considering I had to call the doctor to ask how to safely get nail polish off my children’s skin (baby oil, fyi). Oh well. Everyone’s kids do things like this to them… right?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tamiflu or Crack? You decide.

So... let's start this post off with a funny quote from Hunter and a quick apology from me for slacking so much on my blogging. Exciting things are happening for me, namely a new PRN job at the nursine home that I LOVE just in time for Christmas so I'm going to have tons of extra cash rolling in until something more permanent for me opens up there. I love, love, love working with patients with dementia. They're my favorite. So, yay for me. On top of that, I volunteered to coach Katelyn's cheerleading squad so I've been really busy. Anyway, on to the Hunter quote. Many of you probably saw this on facebook but it's just too good not to post again. This came out of his mouth - word for word - at the bus stop one morning:

"Mommy... I don't like being so handsome. It's hard for a man like me. Too many girls... it's just not fair to the other mans." Does he act like his daddy much? I think so.

That being said, my sweet angel of a little boy has turned into the devil reincarnate the past few days. He started getting sick on Wednesday night so I kept him home from school on Thursday and took him to the doctor. They did a strep test - what a racket... just a way for the office to make money, in my opinion - just so everyone knows, those things are only accurate 50% of the time!! But anyway, I digress and step off my nurse soapbox... they also did a flu swab on him and the doctor said he was going to go ahead and treat it like H1N1 and give him Tamiflu. Great. That will make him feel better in no time, right? Sure. He seemed to feel better on Friday. All was well so we packed up and went to Newport on Saturday morning to go to the aquarium. He seemed a little moody and whiny but it went okay. We decided to go to dinner at Boston Market before the baseball game and that's where all hell broke loose...

Almost immediately upon entering the place, he started screaming at us at the top of his lungs. He couldn't decide on food, he didn't like what we picked him, he didn't want a drink, he didn't want to pick up his fork and eat. He was screaming and making a scene so Patrick took him to the bathroom. That did NO good, so he continued with his tantrum until Patrick took him outside. He was being SO nasty. That's just not like him. Hunter is very chill and complacent most of the time. He was having sobbing fits and when we would tell him to stop he would simply shake his head and say "I can't"... this continued for the rest of the night. He continued to be very disobedient (again, not typical of him) and when we got home, he threw himself onto the kitchen floor and started kicking and yelling and sobbing about how no one cared about him and he wanted to die. It was ridiculous.

His mood continued through the next day and my joking comments about it being the Tamiflu grew into concern so I googled it. Apparently, this medicine has had this effect on a lot of kids. There have been three documented cases of teenagers on the medication killing themselves and several of smaller children having hallucinations and psychotic episodes. So there you go. I'm convinced it really was the medicine so I immediately stopped it and since he stopped taking it, he's back to normal. He's my happy-go-lucky boy again. Ludicrous. Just wanted to get that out there... there's clearly something in it that doesn't react well with children in some cases. I wouldn't suggest anyone give it to their kids.

I start my new cheerleading coach gig on Monday. I'm excited and completely terrified. All the girls are very young and there's only 12 of them but I feel totally outnumbered. I don't know how to even start. I guess we will figure it out together. So with that, two jobs and three online classes this semester, I feel like I have a lot - maybe too much - on my plate. Hopefully I can handle it all... grace under pressure, right?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Back to reality...

Ahhhh... and I'm back to work. I've been snapped back into the real world, unfortunately. I worked a grand total of four days between July 22 and September 9 but now I'm getting back into the swing of things. I've recovered fully from my surgery and I feel great. We went to the beach last weekend and it was amazing. I always have such a fun, relaxing time at Tybee. It might have something to do with all the margaritas but I'd like to think it's just the island in general.
So picture this: Patrick has had two (yes, I said only two) rum runners on the beach and he's what I would call pretty inebriated. He tried to warn us. He told us if he had two of them, he'd be "belligerent" (his words, not mine). He was SOOOO funny the whole afternoon. He lost a lense on his sunglasses in the ocean but continued to wear them anyway. We finally decided to pack up our stuff and head back to the beach house and Patrick takes off way ahead of us. I probably should have been concerned but I felt sure he'd make it back to the house at some point. As we approach a cross walk, Lacey elbows me and says "Hey Manda, do you see Patrick anywhere?" I thought "oh shit, he's gone... we'll never find him" so I start looking around frantically and - out of the corner of my eye - I see the top of a head in a hotel swimming pool. I think I should stop here and say it was a hotel swimming pool that was fenced in and behind a gate that was clearly for guests only. I look closer and who is it? Why, it's Patrick of course. The second I lock eyes with him, he slowly raises his index finger over his mouth and says "Shhhhhhhhhh!" It was hilarious. So hilarious that I was laughing too hard to even think to take a picture. Man, he thought he was SO sneaky. He talked about it the rest of the night.

We had a really great time. Now we're home and I have tons of stuff coming up over the next several weeks to look forward to. My sister will be here in a bit so we can have some quality sister time. Next weekend, I get to be the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. The weekend after that, I get to go to New York City. I love always having something coming up. It makes the work week not seem so bad. :-)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Off to the beach...

Ahhh, we're leaving tomorrow afternoon for Tybee Island. I'm soooo excited. We haven't gone since April when I took Patrick for his birthday. This time we're going with some other people and I think it's going to be a blast. Plus, I've bought myself a few bikinis and this is going to be my big reveal of the new me. :) It only took me over 6 years to get back (almost) to my pre-baby body but I've gotten there and I'm thrilled about it.

My kids are going to spend the weekend with their Uncle Tyler and Aunt Stacy. It's the first time they've kept them and I hope so much that my children behave themselves. I know Addyson will love having them there, I just hope my two choose to get along with eachother. I also hope that Hunter keeps at least his underwear on at all times. I never imagined when I was pregnant with a boy that I'd have so much trouble getting him to stop being so fascinated with his penis. I had to literally BEG him to put on underwear for bed last night and then he still ran around the living room for 20 minutes naked before he went upstairs. When I finally went up to check on him before I went to bed, he was laying there asleep in his old karate pants so I carefully peeked under the waistline - still no undies. Imagine that. It must be a boy thing.

I met with my nursing advisor today at U of L. I should be all set to finish school with my Master's Degree and be a Nurse Practitioner in 2012-2013ish. It all depends on if I want to go ahead into the whole Doctorate thing (which is a new requirement starting in a few years). I'm sure I will. I wonder how that works... what do you call a nurse with a doctorate degree?

Anyway... I really do need to go clean the house up some. We have some realtors coming to look at it tonight. We want to sell it and Patrick wants to pack us up and move out west. I'd be happy moving across town to Lake Forest. We'll see how our luck goes with trying to sell this time around.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Oh, the pain...

I'm really slacking on this blog lately. It seems my life has been going 100mph since we left for our vacation a month ago. While we were gone on vacation I turned 26. I now feel like I am officially on the slippery slope toward 30 and that's somewhat depressing. It's all downhill from there, right? ;) We came back from vacation and the kids started school. Now I have a kindergartner and a 1st grader. Hunter is SO excited about kindergarten that he has woken me up before the sun comes up on two occasions asking me if he could get dressed. He has a girlfriend named Skylar. And, good news, Katelyn and her on/off boyfriend Shane have decided "to give it another shot". Thank goodness for that. What would we do if two six year olds couldn't make it work?

I managed to go back to work for 4 days after vacation and then I had surgery. Nothing huge, just some woman issues I've been having but the recovery has proven to be quite painful. I can't go back to work for three weeks and I'm stuck in the recliner until my one week followup. Patrick has been wonderful. I kind of like having him wait on me. I might have to be confined to a chair more often if this is the kind of treatment I get. He's out buying me magazines to read as I type this. I've been getting a lot of attention.

Speaking of attention, Hunter HATES it when I get attention from Patrick. My son has the worst Oedipus complex I have ever seen. If Patrick hugs me, kisses me or really even touches me Hunter freaks out and yells at him. He made a new rule on vacation that it is Patrick's turn to cuddle me and love me on "every tomorrow". Clever, huh? He's only 5 but he has the logic to know that as long as daddy's day is every tomorrow then it's never really his day today. :) Funny. Now whenever Patrick touches me Hunter just tells him that it's not his day.

Well... my magazines have arrived. I'm going to skip my pain medicine for long enough to read a little. Otherwise all I get accomplished is sleeping and not remembering anything.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Backpacks & Lunchboxes

Well... we're back from vacation clearly. It was a nice trip and, of course, it was action filled as are most days in the Collins household. On one of the last days of the trip, we were talking about going to a bookstore to get a coffee and use the wireless and this conversation happened:

Me: No, let's skip it because I just bought the kids an expensive book yesterday and I don't want them to ask for more today.
Katelyn: I won't, Mommy! I promise I won't ask for anything!
** long pause while Hunter contemplates the situation **
Hunter: Uhhh... I will.
At least he's honest and wasn't putting up any fronts about it, huh? Yes, as a matter of fact, I WILL ask for something. So there. Love my kids. :)
Since then, I have been to Lewis County for a few days visiting. I stayed with my sister one night at her apartment in Morehead and that was... really something. It made me feel incredibly old but also let me know that my sister cannot hang with me even when she is making up the rules to some card game I've never heard of.

At the end of my quiet and relaxing weekend, I got a phone call from Patrick. As soon as I answered the phone I heard Katelyn in the background "I didn't mean to! It was an accident! I didn't do it on purpose!". Great. That sounds promising. If you are a follower of my blog, you're aware of the fact that some months ago Katelyn knocked one of Hunter's front teeth loose and he later pulled it out. Well... guess what? He now has no front teeth, hence all the "it was an accident" crying coming from my dear daughter when I answered the phone. Hunter, for some unknown reason, was chewing on a baseball cap and she took it upon herself to rip it from his mouth and with it came his remaining front tooth. So he's down to zero out of two. He's 5. He will probably have no teeth for two years.

And here's where I do some shameless promoting of a blog that I follow. Not long ago, I sent my mother a link to a website and she ordered the kids each a monogrammed lunchbox. We got them in the mail while we were gone on vacation and the kids were so excited to open them that they fought over the package. They turned out absolutely adorable and they LOVE them. Thanks to Sarah at!

That's all... the kids start school Thursday. My baby starts kindergarten and it's just gonna be me and the dog during the day time. I'm kind of sad. I also start back at work on Thursday and I'm not entirely sure I'll remember how to do my job. We'll see, I guess. :)

Thursday, July 30, 2009

How I'm missing my wireless!!

Picture this: You are sitting in a nice pizza and pasta restaurant on your wonderful three week family vacation. Everyone found something they want on the menu – even your two picky children who eat the same things over and over. Dinner arrives and it tastes heavenly and everyone is enjoying one another’s company. All is well. You feel generous, so you share your fabulous calzone with your child. Well, karma hates you. The next thing you know, your daughter is clutching her throat and your husband is all but shoving you out of your chair (you… the nurse) in order to do the Heimlich Maneuver because your darling daughter was a little over-zealous and choked on some cheese. It turns out that she’s fine and the adrenaline rush dies down. You pay for your dinner and you get up to leave. Wait… hubby and son need to go to the bathroom. Hubby and son take a ridiculously long time in said bathroom so you call hubby’s cell phone and this is what you hear “Hunter peed his pants. There’s pee everywhere. We’ll be right out.” Wonderful. I know, I know… you’re all dying to know how you, too, can get in on such a wonderful experience. So allow me to let you in on a little secret: Just follow me around for a while. Trust me, it’s a laugh a minute. You won’t be disappointed. Promise.

So here we are in Carbondale, Colorado. We just had that dinner adventure at a little place called White House Pizza. Luckily, we are still operating on Kentucky time and we went to dinner at 5pm. As it turns out, 5pm = Happy Hour and Happy Hour = 2.99 margaritas. Nothing is too overwhelming after two margaritas. We have been in Colorado since yesterday. I LOVE Colorado. There’s nothing that compares to the Rocky Mountains coming into view on the horizon. It’s the end of July and some of the peaks are still snow capped. Amazing. I can’t wait to move here. I know it will happen eventually. Patrick and I are both in love with this area. It just doesn’t seem to be happening fast enough.

Since the last time I managed to blog we have been to Mount Rushmore. It was incredible. You can spot it from the road but it is absolutely worth the $10 parking fee to go in and actually see it up close. It’s not something I can describe, really. I’m so glad that we went and that our kids got to see it. The attention to detail in the sculptures is amazing. It took 13 years to finish and you can tell the sculptor put his heart into it. That’s not the best part, though. The best part is that Patrick took the kids up some trail and disappeared for 20 minutes only to come back with two kids who had handfuls of what appeared to be a hairball that was possibly coughed up be a very large cat… with really coarse fur. Apparently, they scraped a buffalo hyde and got to keep the disgusting results…? I don’t know. I’ve just been trying to avoid touching the things since then.

And here I sit… I just finished sweeping out the camper for the 1436th time. Thank god for camping out in the mud. If I couldn’t do housework on my vacation, I would just be lost. Check back, though, I’m sure I’ll have more to report within the next two weeks!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

South Dakota is action packed!

Okay... so South Dakota isn't really all that action packed. Nonetheless, hello from South Dakota! You are officially reading the blog of the only family in America who takes a vacation to somewhere like Minnesota and South Dakota instead of the beach. :-) We have been gone since Wednesday and we've had tons of fun. We water parked it in Wisconsin Dells for two days, camped behind the county fair in Blue Earth, Minnesota for a night and now we're happily set up in Rapid City, South Dakota. We're waiting for Patrick to get back from a mountain bike ride so that we can go check out Mount Rushmore.

We've had so much fun. First of all, Wisconsin Dells is THE place to go if you want to spend a few days going to gigantic indoor/outdoor water parks. The place is crawling with them. And if you're lucky enough to have a scaredy cat 6 year old girl, you might get to hear such jewels as "No! I'm going to die!" and "You're trying to KILL ME!" as she claws frantically and tries to get out of a family intertube on an arguably calm and pleasant water slide. It was definitely an entertaining two days.

Patrick was SO excited because he'd found a free campground in this little place called Blue Earth, Minnesota. As an added bonus, there was a huge statue of the Jolly Green Giant. That pretty much sold me on the idea... Anyway, the campground was actually at the county fairgrounds and you could camp free for 48 hours. Of course, that applies 51 weeks of the year when the fair isn't in town. What are the odds of us pulling up in the middle of the fair? Seriously? We camped free anyway and I can't decide if it's #1) because they were gracious hosts or #2) because they thought it would be hilarious to park us directly behind a big barn where they were later going to be having a dance with music so loud I'm convinced you could hear it in Kentucky. On the bright side, Patrick finally started snoring and then - out of nowhere - abruptly woke up singing along with Sweet Caroline.

Now we're in Rapid City. We stopped at the Corn Palace and Wall Drug on the way through South Dakota. The Corn Palace has fabulous popcorn balls and I don't know if you can order them online but if you can, I suggest everyone buy a box. Wall Drug was a neat old west style town. The kids really enjoyed it. Griffin enjoyed peeing in the parking lot. So it was a win-win for everyone. I'm busting at the seams to go see Mount Rushmore. It better be as amazing as I imagine it will be or I'll be down the rest of the day. I will post some pictures from the trip with my next post.

I think we're off tomorrow to finish our trek to the ultimate destination: Colorado! I am in love with Colorado and if I could find a job while we were out here and get a relocation package, we'd probably never come home. :-)

To be continued...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

oh, children...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out to be a mother. I mean, for real, I think my kids' goal in life is to stress me out as much as possible. I love them so much my heart can barely contain it but they are nuts. Today is my first full day off work this week so I have been just hanging out and relaxing, doing laundry and some dishes here and there but mainly sitting because that's what I like to do. Patrick was messing with our fish tanks and all was quiet and then out of nowhere something crashed to the floor upstairs and I thought it was quite possible that perhaps a large meteor or maybe an airplane had just crashed through my ceiling and landed in the kids room. It was silent for about two seconds and then Hunter started crying and Katelyn started screaming... "MOMMY!! Hunter pulled over my clothes shelves!" Translation: Mommy, Hunter just somehow pulled over my big, heavy 5 drawer dresser. On himself. And clothes are all the hell over the place. Not to mention I still had a 3 foot tall Christmas tree - yes, in July - sitting on top of it fully decorated from December. Might as well leave it there now, right? It's getting closer to Christmas again every day. Anyway, after Patrick picked the dresser back up and I folded up all Katelyn's jeans and neatly shoved them back in her drawers I finally got to examine Hunter. Luckily, the dresser only caught his left arm but he still has some pretty impressive battle wounds.
What was he doing in order to pull the dresser over on himself, you may ask? Well he had a jumprope tied to one of the knobs, of course! There's no doubt in my mind that he was probably trying to come up with some sort of contraption that would enable him to be like Spiderman and fly and climb up the sides of stuff. But I digress... I finally got them settled down to dinner tonight and I sat down with them to try to discuss with them the many dangers of tying ropes to things and attaching them in any way to yourself and this is the look I got from my SIX year old.

I don't know about moms of pre-teen and teenage girls but I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that Patrick's probably going to have to be locked in a nuthouse when she starts going through puberty and has all the crazy hormonal mood swings I have. Seriously. I'm enough for anyone to handle. What is he going to do with two of me? I feel for him. Really, I do.

Speaking of my husband, I love him dearly. He also drives me crazy but I love him. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him to balance me out. He's pretty much my opposite but I guess that's how it works. He loves to disagree with me, though. If I like a particular place to eat he'll swear up and down he hates it (even when we're eating there and he's saying "mmm, this is so good"). If I say I love our puppy, he says he hates her (even when I turn around two minutes later and he's totally nuzzling and baby talking to her). I swear sometimes I think he'd argue for the sake of arguing even if I told him the sky was blue. Is that all husbands or is mine just that special? Also... he likes to sneak and eat everything I bake even when he claims he absolutely DID NOT eat those brownies. Luckily, I have Special Investigator Katelyn on the case. She snuck this picture of him one morning after he claimed my mysteriously disappearing brownie batch was not his fault. It still makes me laugh every time I see it.

He thinks he's sneaky. :-) I promised a better blog this time and hopefully this one was a bit more entertaining. I'm on a mission tonight to convince Patrick we should go to Six Flags tomorrow so I'm going to go formulate my plan of attack for when he gets home.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My brain is fried...

I just keep telling myself only 4 more work nights until vacation. After Tuesday night, I get to enjoy three relaxing weeks off with my family. Relaxing probably isn't the right word but at least I will get to sleep at night and be a normal person for a while. I didn't even have a hard night last night but I was so exhausted when I came home that I fell asleep on the couch with the dog laying on top of me. Four more nights.

We went camping at Green River Lake last weekend. The main thing that was figured out is that my fishing abilities are far superior to Patrick's. We fished for maybe an hour and I reeled something in almost every time I put my line in the water. Poor Patrick, I think he was very disappointed. On the bright side for him, the biggest thing I caught was only about the size of my hand.

I've managed to juggle three summer classes, work and home (although the laundry IS piled up pretty high) over the last several weeks. I just wrapped up two of the classes and I'm fairly sure I've pulled an A in both. Now I have to buckle down and focus on finishing my chemistry class. It's completely mind numbing. I think that's part of why I was so tired this morning. I was mentally spent. Oh well. I will still ace the class regardless of how much I hate it because that's how I roll. I just can't wait until I decide what I want to be when I grow up - now I'm considering law school for my final destination instead of the nurse practitioner route. Who knows.

I can't focus on much lately aside from upcoming vacations. We have our three week vaca out west coming up and three weeks after we get back, we're going to Tybee Island with Lacey & Travis and Leslia and Lindsey LeMaster. I'm almost more pumped about that one. I loooove Tybee. I think everyone should go there and check it out. It's my favorite beach. It's so small and non-touristy. Plus, they have a fabulous bar on the beach with a big wall of slushie machines full of those frozen concoctions that help me hang on. :-)

And I'm done. This update sucked. I apologize. I'm sure I'll be feeling more motivated and witty once I'm off work for three weeks. So hang in there with me, please.

Friday, July 10, 2009


Between my two children right now, there's a total of four missing teeth. In a fit of sisterly love, Katelyn "lovingly" knocked one of Hunter's top front teeth loose. He subsequently pulled it over dinner at Tumbleweed and made me lose my appetite in record time. (Interesting tidbit: I'm a nurse, but could never be a dentist... mouths and teeth disgust me and the thought gives me full body shivers.) Anyway, Hunter will remain toothless for another two years, maybe three if we're lucky. Fingers crossed on that... right? Who doesn't want the kindergarten through second grade pictures to feature a big, gaping hole in their child's smile?Katelyn, on the other hand, has lost her teeth the natural way. Unfortunately for the tooth fairy, she has lost three of them in the past week and a half. I think the trouble began when she lost the first one and the silly, silly tooth fairy gave in to her demand for $20. Since then, the price has decreased to $5 because, let's face it, the tooth fairy's little Coach purse is empty and sometimes she has to steal a little somethin' from Mr. Tooth Fairy's wallet. If it weren't for the fact that she cried after the last one came out and claimed that she "looked ridiculous", I'd swear she was doing it on purpose. Would it be so wrong if the tooth fairy simply left a note under her pillow that said "What the hell, kid? No money for you. Thanks for playing."?
Poor thing. She doesn't look ridiculous.
I really should go to bed. I've worked the past three nights and now I'm off for the weekend. I like to try to keep chugging right along and stay awake after my last night of the week but I rarely make it all day. I'm vascillating back and forth on whether I should humor my sociology professor and take part in the "Getting to know your classmates" discussion board. I hate that kind of thing. Every fiber of my being wants to type up a note that says 'I'm Amanda and I honestly don't give a crap who anyone else is. I'm just here to get an 'A' and move on. Peace.' I know, I know... that's the stand-offish (and apparently egotistical) Liles in me. I can't help it.
That's all... I think I'm going to have some Cocoa Puffs and watch Spongebob before I go to bed. Here's to hoping Patrick puts all the laundry away while I snooze. :-)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

...the king of awkward quotes...

As a 'welcome home after 5 hours of being sold to someone else' present, I took Griffin and the kids to PetSmart today and did a little dog shopping. I bought her a new crate (smaller, so she won't pee in it, yay!), a new rope toy, a couple of tennis balls, a bunch of treats and some new shampoo because she's smelly. In return, we got home and as soon as I settled in with my Diet Coke I heard "Mommy! Oww! Griffin bit me in the penis!"... nice. Welcome home, dog. We love you, too!
I have to work tonight. It's my first night of three in a row and I'm hoping against hope that I get an easy enough team that I will have time to really get some chemistry homework done. Why didn't I already take Chemistry? I'm a nurse, am I not? Shouldn't this have already been required of me before pursuing a higher degree? Yuck. Laziness + Undiagnosed math learning disability = me putting off the entire class until I only have three weeks left to finish it all. I'm awesome under pressure, though. I'll get 'er done.
I have NINE work days left until vacation. We're going to Colorado, but because I happen to be a much bigger nerd than I let on I am making Patrick take me through the northern states mainly so I can see Mt. Rushmore. And because I feel sure there's tons of fun shit to do in Minnesota and Wisconsin. Right? So I am excited to get these next couple weeks out of the way. Of course, after we get back I won't have anything fun and exciting to count down to and I'll go back to dreading going into work every night. I need to plan at least a mini-vacation once a month to always keep myself excited!
Hunter just told me he's not my friend anymore and he wishes he didn't live with me because I told him to stop fighting with his sister. One minute he's threatening his own father's well being because he hugged me (because as we all should know, I'm "his girlfriend") and the next he can't stand to look at me. Men... I prefer it when I'm his girlfriend and he loves me... except for those times when he announces that he likes to make out with girls and someone says "Oh really? You're 5, who have you made out with?" and he says "My mom!". Yikes. No more Disney shows geared toward teenagers for him... and yes, I am fully expecting a call from CPS due to his Oedipus complex once he starts school and tells one of his teachers something off the wall like that...
That's all. I guess I should get in gear and get ready for work. If only I could get this vicious beast of a puppy to stop snoring on my leg and let me get something productive done...

Monday, July 6, 2009

So this is my first foray into “real” blogging. I was inspired by my friend, Lea, over at so everyone go check her and her sweet baby out! I suppose I should start off by introducing myself to anyone who might not know me. My name is Amanda. I am the mother of two hilarious kids (a 6 year old girl and a 5 year old boy) and they will frequently be the topic of my postings because they are, as I said, hilarious. I also play mommy to a pug puppy named Griffin – but we will get into her a little later because she caused me lots of stress today. I’ve been married to my wonderful and understanding husband for 5 and a half years. I’m a Registered Nurse. And I’m a little crazy. You’ll see.

A lot of you are probably wondering what’s up with my blog URL. I believe that “I’m not your friend anymore!” is among my kids’ favorite phrases. They say it to me, they say it to eachother, they say it to their friends (or non-friends, I guess). It’s one of those things that you just kind of get used to and learn to zone out as a mom. “Mommy, I’m not your friend anymore!”… “okay, greeeeat… I love you too sweetheart”… That’s how it goes.

So my family has a dog. We bought her two months ago. Historically, I’m not a dog person. It all began when my best friend’s dog bit me right in the ass when I was in 8th grade. Granted, my ass is and always was an easy target; it still wasn’t a fun experience for me. I finally fell in love with pugs. I begged for one for months. Patrick finally gave in so we bought a female puppy and brought her home and I fell in love… and then she started pooping all over my floor. I worked up the nerve over a few weeks and listed her for sale online. I got TONS of emails about her and decided on a girl who lived on a 5 acre farm 40 minutes away. She came to pick her up today at 3pm and all was suddenly well with the world. Or… not at all. I immediately burst into tears and proceeded to cry on the couch for an hour until I finally decided to do something crazy and email the girl and BEG for her back. Hours passed and I got more and more depressed and then – out of nowhere – she responded that she’d bring her back to me. So now she’s home again and I feel complete. All my babies are under one roof again. Also, I now believe that I have borderline personality disorder more than I ever believed it before. I mean, seriously? Who does that? Poor 5 acre farm girl… sorry!

Like I said, my husband is very understanding. I met him at the door on my way back to the bank with my makeup streaked all over my face and he just kind of shrugged and went on about his business. So now all three of my babies are asleep and I’m having a margarita (of course I am) and all really is well with the world. And that’s me. I expect for this blog to be mainly about my kids as they give me lots of things to talk about. It’s bound to be interesting.

Oh, and did anyone else know that Miley Cyrus did a cover of ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’? I kind of like it, I’m not gonna lie…